Magic in the Music

Today blog is about music. For me, music has become a daily ritual for venting my emotions.

For many years, suppressing my true feelings became commonplace. Faking being ok than actually say ‘today isn’t a good day’. yet many people have said across the years “but you’re always smiling” well i was, it was my armour.

Whether it was fears of being vulnerable, or bringing others down, or just trying to delude myself into thinking it was ok. I don’t really know,

but the simple act of getting in my car, driving with no destination and singing (badly i must add) to whatever song felt right at the time and let just be.

In my early days it was the likes of Linkin Park, Bon Jovi and anything with a heavy beat. This music just felt right, many times lyrics just hit deep and made me realise that I wasn’t alone in my pain or numbness or depression. For that moment, i was a little lighter. 

Sadly, i fell away from this music, not sure really why, I don’t think it was because i didn’t like it but probably that i felt pressured by societal norms and trying to fit in. The eternal outsider! 

For as long as i can remember i have also felt as the eternal outsider, never quite fitting in, and moulding myself to be someone not quite my true self to fit it. This at times has just added to my depression and anxiety.

Recently a group of friends, got me out to an event at a pub with a live band. This band ‘All Out Emo’ sang all those songs i had played years before. It was like an awakening, i felt this release, surrounded by like minded people, no longer an outsider. 

Since then, i have revitalised the singing ritual to Linkin Park, Sum 41, Papa Roach to name a few. You know what I actually don’t care what i look like, it makes me happy. 

So today’s advice, find that song that just hits your soul. Play it loud, sing it hard, let it out!